After high school I worked as a dance instructor at an elite vacation resort in the Adirondacks. I fell in love with a Dr.’s daughter and taught her how to dance. It was the greatest summer of my life. Eventually she left me to join the peace corps but I’ll never forget Baby.
After that I learned some martial arts and wound up as a bouncer. It turns out I was really good at it. My philosophy was always “Be nice”. Despite being smaller than most people expected me to be I was so good I eventually became the cooler...that’s sort of the boss of the bouncers. My reputation preceded me and I was eventually hired to clean up a run down bar called “The Double Duece”...it turns out this town was run by crooked business man named Brad Wesley. He shook all the local businesses down...I guess the town just wasn’t big enough for the both of us. After killing several of his goons I finally took him out. My mentor and the only man on earth I ever trusted didn’t make it out alive though.
From there I headed to the west coast. I learned to surf and became the leader of a small gang of fellow surfers. Because of my philosophy degree I earned the nickname “Body” We were always short on cash and couldn’t stand 9-5 jobs working for the man.. I finally had an epiphany..why serve the law when you could be it’s master? It was then we began taking down banks in So Cal. No one was supposed to get hurt..it was all just to fuel our endless summer. Looking back it seems so naive..eventually we were caught. A close friend turned out to be AN FBI AGENT! It went bad, it went real bad. We had to flee to Mexico. Eventually the FBI caught up with me at Bells Beach Australia during the hundred yr storm. I convinced agent Utah to let me go..to meet my fate among the waves. He knew I could never live in a cage. Fortunately I was able to paddle to New Zealand.
Now I’m happily married living in the suburbs of Chicago with two little girls. It’s a quiet life but I enjoy it.
(Oh, I also once led a group of guerrillas in an insurgency against the USSR during WWIII, but that’s another story)
Apr 26, 1979
Lily Lake, IL
14 Carat Badass
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